


And I Feel My Childhood Die

by allmywritings



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, American high school, Angst with a Happy Ending, Foreign Exchange Student, Gen, Gun Violence, Major Character Injury, Minor Character Death, School Shootings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 16:55:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29421951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allmywritings/pseuds/allmywritings
Summary: When Kageyama hears the first shot go off his only coherent thought is, "I'm going to die at 15."
Relationships: Ennoshita Chikara & Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Everyone & Everyone, Kageyama Tobio & Sugawara Koushi, Nishinoya Yuu & Tsukishima Kei
Kudos: 10





	And I Feel My Childhood Die

“Active shooter! Active shooter! This is not a drill!” “Get down! Everyone get down! Get against the wall now!” Kageyama’s teacher is frantic as she grabs a piece of black paper set aside specifically for this reason (and doesn’t that just leave a bitter taste in Kageyama’s mouth) one of his classmates is crying (most of them are). It’s Shibayama, a foreign exchange student like Kageyama, he wants to comfort him but what can he say?

Kageyama’s teacher then whispers something that makes his heart feel like it’s gotten ripped out and stomped on, “Text your parents, and then put your phone on silent.” With trembling fingers, Kageyama gets out his phone. He thinks of his beautiful family back in Japan who thinks he’s happy and healthy and chokes back a cry, slowly he types out, “Active shooter. I love you.” He has the brief thought to text his senpais but brushes the thought away as soon as it comes (that would be putting all of them at risk) then he has this terrible moment where he realizes he’s a sitting duck (they all are). Their classroom is in the middle of the school with no windows, no way to escape. They’d have to make a break for it and hope for the best. The intercom has gone dead so no one knows what’s going on anymore. Kageyama looks down at his phone and sees a string of texts from his mom all more frantic than the last, with a heavy heart he powers his phone off (he needs to preserve the battery he wasted at lunch laughing with his friends, and isn’t it crazy to think that was less than an hour ago) he slides his phone in his back pocket and lets his head fall back against the wall. He started crying at some point he realizes dully as he feels the wetness on his cheeks. God, he hopes his friends are okay. 

Kageyama sits idle for a few minutes before he thinks fuck this. He’s pretty sure most of the school has already been evacuated and looks to the left, making eye contact with Shibayama, the small boy has tear tracks on his face but looks fairly resolute so Kageyama grabs his hand. Suddenly there’s loud knocking on the door, “SWAT OPEN UP!” Kageyama’s teacher hesitantly peeks through the black curtain before opening the door.

When Kageyama gets out the first thing he does is desperately look for his friends. He runs up to a shaken-looking Moniwa (a boy from a few of his senpai’s classes). “Have you seen my friends?!” “No, have you seen mine?!” when Kageyama shakes his head they both sprint away to find their respective friends, Shibayama is still being dragged along by Kageyama so Kageyama is jeered harshly when the boy suddenly stops, “Senpai... “ Yaku doesn’t say anything and accepts Shibayama into his arms before addressing Kageyama, “Sugawara is right there,” he points but Kageyama only half sees him because he’s already sprinting towards his senpai. Suga meets him halfway and picks him up, “My baby,” he murmurs (if it was any other time Kageyama would be offended), “have you seen the others?” Kageyama tearfully shakes his head from where he’s still halfway held off the ground. Suga smiles shakily then, “It’s okay, senpai will solve it. Call your parents okay?” Kageyama feels awful but in the frantic search for his friends he had forgotten his parents, shakily he gets his phone out and turns it on. Immediately he’s flooded with what must be hundreds of messages from his mother so he taps on her contact. The call connects in a second. “Okaa-san,” Kageyama’s voice breaks and he has to take a moment to compose himself, “I-I’m okay. And so is Suga-san. But we don’t know about the others,” he can hear his mom sobbing on the other end of the call as she reassures his father and brothers he’s okay, “I-I need to go so I can search for my friends, I’ll call you tonight. I love you,” and with that, he hangs up the phone. 

It takes them five minutes to find Daichi and Asahi. They’re holding hands and crying, “Oh thank God, we found you,” Daichi literally picks Kageyama straight off of the ground completely ignoring how he’s shorter than his kouhai. Asahi is squeezing Suga so hard he must be in pain but no one complains. They all flinch when they hear another gunshot go off. “Where were you guys?” Daichi asks. Kageyama mentions the class he was in and Suga explains he was in the courtyard already. Daichi and Asahi nod, “We were together and in the cafeteria for a science project when the first gunshot went off, and because it’s at the front of the school we ran. We wanted to go looking for you but our teacher wouldn’t let us. So we started looking out here. Have you seen any of the others?” and Kageyama’s breathing falters because he’d thought-”We thought you’d seen them!” Suga exclaims breathlessly and watching the expression on his upperclassmen’s faces is almost as bad as not knowing where the rest are. 

They all look up when they see a group of students being led out of the building, Kageyama’s heart is desperately trying to beat out of his chest. Please be one of his friends. He feels tears pour down his cheeks as he hears a voice exclaim, “GUYS!” He sees his friend start running and follows after him as fast as he can with Asahi and Suga right behind him. He sees Suga grasp Ennoshita’s hand and feels Daichi try to pull him into a hug but he’s distracted. He takes off running as his friends yell behind him. He doesn’t even think before he leaps onto Hinata and Yamaguchi. Yamaguchi catches them before they hit the ground and Kageyama realizes dully he’s crying. They circle up and Daichi asks if they’re all okay before asking where they were after he gets confirmation. 

“I was in the choir room. Um, I had a free period so, I-uh-” here Hinata breaks off to take some deep breaths before continuing, “Me and S-Sakunami were practicing for-for our Christmas c-concert. It was just us and the teacher. The gunshot was so c-close. S-Sakunami started to cry and our teacher told us that he loved us and was proud of us. I thought-I thought,” here he breaks off and begins to sob openly, Daichi gently takes him into his arms and croons to him like one might do to a baby while still holding Yamaguchi with his other hand. Suga has his hands tightly wrapped around Kageyama while holding Ennoshita’s hand. Ennoshita is being hugged by Asahi but has his hand tightly intertwined with Daichi. They’re all touching each other in some way or another. Asahi turns to Ennoshita after a few seconds, “Y-Yamaguchi and I-we were in the film club room,” here he pauses to rub his face roughly on Asahi’s shirt, “It w-was us and Kuroo a-and Fukunaga,” here he pauses to break off and everyone’s fear spikes. Ennoshita doesn’t cry. “Our club advisor barricaded the d-door but it d-didn’t matter. The bastard shot the fucking handle. He c-came in and Mr. Hughes got in-in front of h-him. He tried to r-reason with him. But it didn’t matter. He looked Mr. Hughes dead in the eyes and shot him right in the f-face. There weren’t a lot of u-us in there so I tried to get everyone behind me b-but the others were on the other-the other side of the room so I c-could only block Yamaguchi. I-it was awful. He walked over to Kuroo a-and Fukunaga and h-he shot them. And then-he just left them there. How could he-how could he do that?! Then he walked away like-like it was n-nothing. I tried to keep Kuroo and Fukunaga awake, I promise I did! B-but I couldn’t. K-Kuroo told me to t-tell his family he lo-loves them. Fukunaga asked me to tell his friends he was s-sorry. I c-couldn’t save them. By the t-time the SWAT team came in all of them- Mr. Hughes, Kuroo, Fukunaga a-all of them were d-de-” here Ennoshita finally breaks off to freely sob forcing Asahi (and the rest of them) to the ground as his legs give out. Kageyama thinks of Shibayama who was so desperate in his search for his senpais, and then he thinks of the friends he still doesn’t know the whereabouts of and feels even sicker.  
For about thirty minutes the others spill out slowly. Tanaka and Kinoshita run out together clutching onto each other. Ennoshita almost tackles them to the ground weeping into their chests. Tanaka flinches before softening, “hey, it’s ok. We’re both fine. We were in the art lab the whole time, okay?” Ennoshita sniffles and nods but still clutches his fellow juniors close. They all wait anxiously before Narita emerges with two of his year mates and darts over to them. “I was in the bathroom,” he explains, “I heard footsteps and thought for sure… but it was just Watari and Yahaba so we hid together until we could safely get away.” Daichi looks over Narita’s head from where he’s in the middle of being smuggled by Suga to see Yahaba and Watari getting elated hugs from their friends. He sighs anxiously, where are his last two?  
It takes another ten minutes before anything happens. “Suspect is apprehended and in custody. I repeat suspect is apprehended and in custody. Please reunite with your families and head home.” Kageyama looks around desperately for the others. Where are they?! Nothing happens for another minute or two. And then Kageyama sees stretchers being wheeled out. He gasps as he recognizes something. He thinks he sees Tsukishima’s shoes. He recognizes them because they’d argued over them earlier: Hinata and Kageyama had called him childish for the dinosaur laces and Yamaguchi and Tsukishima had snickered about how “the most childish people they knew were saying that” Kageyama had snapped something biting in return and now he feels sick as he realizes those may be the last words he ever says to one of his favorite people. Without warning he darts up and the rest are forced to follow him. He starts to sprint as fast as he can and only stops when he gets to the ambulance. He feels all the air leave his body when he sees he was right. It is Tsukishima. And Nishinoya next to him. But something is wrong. Tsukishima is bleeding. So is Nishinoya. They’re both unconscious with an oxygen mask strapped to their faces. Kageyama turns teary eyes to the paramedic, “Will they be okay?'' It isn’t until the paramedic blinks confusedly at him that he realizes he’s spoken in japanese. He puzzles over the necessary english words before Daichi repeats his question (in english) for him. The paramedic hesitates but he nods and then tells the other eleven boys which hospital Tsukishima and Nishinoya will be going to. Asahi starts to grab his keys to drive before Daichi sternly shakes his head, “You’re shaking too much. I’ll call my host family and ask one of them to drive us,” he explains. 

The ride to the hospital is spent in a tense and uncomfortable silence that’s only broken by Yamaguchi’s heaving sobs. Kageyama spends the drive texting his mom to update her as he hears Daichi dialing a number. “Daichi-san, who are you calling?” Hinata questions innocently. “Tsukishima and Nishinoya’s parents,” the older whispers quietly. Immediately the already somber mood in the car drops even more. How do you tell someone their babies are in danger? That their precious sons are in a hospital fighting for their lives because some awful person with a gun decided to cut their fragile tethers to lives short? That they may not even be there in their child’s final moments because they’re halfway across the world from each other. 

“Hi, Tsukishma-san,” Daichi starts softly, “are you sitting down? I have some bad news… There was-there was a shooting at the-at school. Tsukisima and N-Nishinoya were b-both hurt… They’ve been rushed to the hospital but we d-don’t know anything yet. The r-rest of us are fine,” he stays on the line for a few more minutes before hanging up. For some reason making the call a second time hurts worse. But still with a heavy heart he dials Nisinoya’s mother’s number, “Hi, Nishinoya-san… Something happened… T-there was a-a shooting. Tsukishima and Nishinoya were injured but we don’t know anything else yet. We’re on the way to the hospital now,” Daichi hears the woman inhale sharply on the other end of the phone before saying she’ll book the soonest flight out and ending the call. 

They get to the hospital at 12:41 p.m. Daichi walks all of them up to the receptionist's desk, barely holding it together but needing answers, “Kei Tsukishima. Yuu Nishinoya. They were brought in about thirty minutes ago. Are they okay?” Daichi’s breath is panicky and his words are a bit hard to understand but Kageyama commends him for stepping up: he’s not sure he could even get English out at this point. The lady at the desk hums, “Relationship to the victims?” Suga’s shoulders his way up front to answer this time, “We’re friends. We’re all foreign exchange students. Our families are all across seas. Please at least tell us if they’re okay,” Kageyama’s senpai begs. The receptionist smiles sympathetically, “I’m sorry, but I can’t. You’re not immediate family,” at this Daichi and Suga both let out an impressive string of Japanese expletives and Yamaguchi lets out a sob that sounds . 

They wait for about fourteen hours, in that time both Tsukishima and Nishinoya’s parents arrive. A haggard looking doctor finally walks into the waiting room at about five in the morning, “Family of Tsukishima Kei?” Kageyama cringes at the doctor's mispronunciation of his friend’s name but hurries up anyways. “I’m his mother! How’s my baby?” the stout woman in front of Kageyama demands. The doctor glances at the huddle of people and begins, “A bullet went through his chest and nicked his lungs before exiting through his back. We stitched him up, but he’s currently still attached to a breathing machine and unconscious. He’ll be fine,” the doctor smiles gently at them all and Kageyama feels his legs shake, Tsukishima’s okay, next to him Tsukishima’s mom sinks to her knees and chants praises in japanese. Everyone pauses as Nishinoya’s harried mother pushes her way to the front, “Is my baby okay?” she begs. The doctor frowns at the haggard woman, “I’m sorry I don’t know, I was only assigned to Tsukishima Kei’s case.” Immediately the mood drops, Tsukishima is okay but is Nishinoya? They agree to split off: the seniors accompany the sophomores to go see Tsukishima and the juniors wait for news on Nishinoya.

Another hour passes before a female doctor walks out looking tired. “Relatives of Yuu Nishinoya?” Nishinoya’s mom jumps to her feet and rushes forward, “Me! I’m his mother! Please tell me my baby is okay! Please!” The doctor smiles gently, “He’s perfectly fine, he’s still sleeping but he’ll be fine. The bullet nicked an artery and caused some complications, but he’s completely fine, you can go see him now.” Like a magnet all the boys left follow the doctor into a hospital room. Kageyama perks up as he sees them and the others watch in relief as Nishinoya is wheeled into the room, the hospital having limited space due to the numerous injuries from the shooting. 

All of them sit in silence for about an hour before they hear soft groaning. Immediately Nishinoya’s mother starts cooing, “Come on baby. Wake up. Yeah that’s it, I’m here. Mom’s here. That’s it baby, just open your eyes,” in a second the peace is broken as Nishinoya bolts up and starts struggling to sit up heedles of his mom’s hand. “Tsukishima! Where’s Tsukishima? Kei?!” Nishinoya’s mom makes gentle crooning noises as Daichi moves out of the way so Nishinoya has a full glimpse of Tsukishina, the machines behind him are going insane. Tsukishima starts twitching due to all the noise. He mutters what sounds like an insult under his brother up and his mother burst into tears. Everyone huddles close to the two injured boys. The runion is euphoric. They’re all okay . 

After the tears have dried Daichi asks what happened. “Well uh… we were in the computer studio to remix some tracks, Semi was in there too. The gunshot went off right next to us. By the time the warning went out it was too late…” here Tsukishima trails off and Nihsinoya picks the story up, “The guy burst into the room. He was saying crazy shit y’know? Like completely out of pocket. Says he was purifying the school or some bullshit like that. He waved his gun around while demanding that we come out and Semi grabbed our hands. We were all fit under the computer desks so we were hiding there, but it didn’t matter…” Nishinoya trails off before starting to talk again, “He grabbed us all, y-yanked us out, had us s-stand in line exe-execution style. Semi was still holding our hands. And then… And then he shot at us. He hit Semi first, right in between the eyes. He shot Ts-Tsukishima n-next. He went down so h-hard I thought he’d n-never get up a-again. He smiled at me t-then and said-he said ‘you’ll be the last. You’ll die knowing your friends suffered.’ Then he laughed and shot me. It hurt so bad. But I had to check on the others: T-Tsukishima was on the g-ground but he was still b-breathing, we think-we think Semi died immediately or at least-at least almost immediately. I really hope he didn’t suffer…” By the time Nishinoya finishes talking the whole room is crying and Nishinoya’s heart monitors is going so crazy a doctor rushes into the room. After that’s settled all the boys cuddle together as the parents watch. 

After a day things start to settle down. Tsukishima’s mom had just stepped outside the room to talk with the doctor but his brother is still curled up against, cradling the boy to his chest. Tsukishima had glared when he’d first climbed up but hadn’t protested. Likewise Nishinoya is cradled tightly between both his parents as they murmur in gentle japanese to him. It’s a sobering reminder of what they almost lost. Everything is quiet until Ennoshita speaks, voice as gentle as always but with a brittleness that has never been there before, “Kai asked me to come to the service,” and here everything pauses as reality sets in again. They almost lost each other. “I was close with Kuroo. I’ll go with you,” Tsukishima says into the deathly silent room. His brother jostles the boy gently before cooing, “Ah our alway caring Kei.” Nishinoya snorts and it’s only a few seconds before the rest are laughing full out. The laughter only dwindles down when Nishinoya hisses as his stitches are pulled and Narita leans over to (gently) smack him. It feels nice. It feels normal. And Kageyama knows it’s not. Knows they have leaps and bounds to get back to any semblance of normal. But for now Kageyama basks in this. Even though they’re in the hospital while Tsukisima and Nishinoya recover he’s relishing in the fact they are recovering, that he doesn’t have to tearfully attend one of his closest friend’s funerals (like poor Shibayama) and while he did lose people for right now he focuses on Tsuishima’s vague lemon scent he thought he would never smell again, Yachi’s slightly wheezy breath do to her asthma, Tsukishima’s sarcastic quips that sting in the best ways, Daichi and Asahi’s overbearing worrying that often has the others complaining but something that was sorely missed during those moments of terror, Suga’s (occasionally smothering) skinship even as they all squeeze themselves together at the thought of what could have been lost, Tanaka holding him as tight as he physically can because he couldn't when the first shot was fired, and the others gentle laughter.

**Author's Note:**

> This a rework of an old fic.  
> [Buy me a coffee?](https://ko-fi.com/alexiscato)


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